Absolutes

I do deal with absolutes. I like absolutes. I like/love/embrace knowing that there is ABSOLUTELY a God. That our GOD absolutely loves us, there is no straying from that, it’s an absolute!

In life, there are gray areas, but I still like my absolutes. I like a grading scale in school. I like a thermometers scale. I like with grudging respect a scale that weighs. I like knowing that on 350’ my over will have our dinner ready in 45 minutes. I like knowing that every night it will be dark and the moon will be in the sky, just as surely as I am absolutely sure the dawn will break and the sun will arrive. I like knowing that there is absolutely a right and a wrong. Respect is right, ownership is right, lying and stealing are wrong….absolutes. I know that with an absolute will come understanding of the “wrongs” sometimes, but they are still wrong…

This morning on Facebook my friend Holly posted this quote by Mother Theresa. It was met with a mulititude of different opinions:

By abortion, the mother does not learn to love, but kills even her own child to solve her problems. By abortion, the father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching people to love, but to use violence to get what they want. That is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion.

Talk about an absolute! Mother Theresa was right. Absolutely, abortion is killing. Absolutely, a father will not assume responsibility if a child is killed. Gray areas to bicker about? Sure, mom’s health and rape. I would never give permission verbally or achknowledge in any way that abortion is anything less that killing. But, I absolutely know that ONLY God can decide the outcome of such a loss.

Absolutes are just that…absolute. I like the comfort of absolutes. But, just as surely as an absolute will bring comfort it will bring sorrow too. This is life. It is life on this earth that our Heavenly Father created. He threw in the gray (aka….freewill) and the absolutes did not change….

I often wonder why I keep blogging about the same ole topics? Respect, Ownership, Choices…..humm….perhaps because they are absolutes?

Great minds.....

I am not so sure Great Minds think alike, but I do think once great minds begin thinking? Great things can happen. Today the kids have been "building". Scott supervised and I simply took pictures of the results:)

This is the field goal the boys made from old bed slats...Pretty neat!


This is my girls redneck swimming pool....recently the boys dirt hole....now our new pool:)



I love that Scott let the kids try new ideas. He is much more "free" with freedoms than I am. I see hammer injuries and mud...he see's fun:) He also hangs around to be sure there isn't any injuries, water was everywhere (lol) in spite of efforts to keep it in the pool:)

A scary morning..

What a morning!!! During Bible school class Seth's teacher gave the children candy. It was hard candy. Not unusual, this is a second grade class. Seth swallowed his "wrong" and it got stuck in his throat. His teacher, bless Mrs. Patrica's heart, is an RN, so he couldn't have been in better hands. She sent someone to get Scott or I. She knew it was not in his trachea, he was breathing alright. They found Scott and he took Seth for about 20 minutes working with him. Seth kept throwing up, but no candy. I stepped into worship, as it was beginning, and handed Sarah my van keys telling her where we were going. So Scott and I left the church (as it was beginning) to take Seth to the ER. He threw up several times on the way there and still was hurting. Scott picked him up from the van to carry into the Emergency room and when he put him over his shoulder Seth threw up again...but this time orange candy came out! 20 feet from the ER door. We went back to church. As we walked in Scott thought he left his Bible in Seth's classroom so Donald, who was standing there went to get it from Seth's classroom. We walked in, sitting in our usual "bookend" places. As soon as we sat down Scott saw his Bible and motioned for me to send Tasha to tell Donald he had it. At this point I felt like I had been in and out a lot, but trying to explain all that to Tasha would be just as disruptive, so I got up and went out to tell he we had the Bible. As I put my hand on the door to go back in I realized the Lord's Supper had began so I sat in the hall. It was a long but wonderful service (thank you John Harris for directing our thoughts so beautifully), but Scott began to worry about me so he walked out to find me. I explained and as it ended we both went back once again to sit in our seats. After seemingly 2 seconds Michael walked down with a message from Scott..apparently in the midst of our coming and going Dan went to the bathroom to never return. Seth was sleeping on Scott's shoulder, exhausted, so I got up once again and exited the auditorium. I walked to the closest men's bathroom to wait on Seth. Our good friend Duane walked over and so kindly checked on Dan (who was finally coming out) and then he asked if I was alright? He thought I looked a little stressed (rofl!!). I agreed that I thought I probably looked that way too, explaining my last 45 minutes. Dan was upset to have to go in and sit with me(after a 20 minutes bathroom break that is appropriate in moms mind), as we squeezed into the pew Tasha leaned over and asked,"Can I go to the bathroom?". Good grief! She was very offended that I said no. I took a breath, opened my Bible and heard the faithful words, "as I close.....". Isn't that how it goes sometimes? Shew! I was reminded of when Jacob was a baby (my worst church goer)...I had a rule that the third time I left I stayed out. If another day like this comes along I will have to revert to that rule:)

Thankfully Seth is much better. He skipped the pot roast only eating red potatoes and cooked carrots for lunch, his throat a little sore. As I was typing this Sarah passed him a pringles potato chip, so I think his health is restored:)

PS..the pictures above were taken at the boys football practice. I noticed Seth getting closer and closer to the hitting guy(I am sure he has a serious minded name). When I called to him he gave me the "what?" look....acted cool and calm...and then on the sly took a try at the dummy....pretty funny. It moved about 4 inches and he turned back around to watching the practice...haha...like it never happened:)

Service, Football and a Party

The youth group had a service project Saturday. My kiddos met for lunch and painting:)Big thanks to Stacy Carnal who takes pictures so wonderfully!!




Ryan, Dan and Michael had their first football practice and loved it!! Currently they are playing the positions of Linebacker/Daniel, Receiver/Ryan and Tailback/Michael. Of course it was the first practice, so we will have to see:)




Tori, Seth, Sarah and I went to Henderson to Cooper's 2nd birthday party. My sister Sandy has three of the cutest little boys!! Her baby turned 2 Friday and it is so hard to believe!!

Slipping..

I have managed to let days and days slip through my fingers. We have had a extremely tough week, although most of that is "unknown" tough things. Unknown being even to some of our kids. I find in really stressful times I am at a loss as to what to say. I have to step back and find my "moderation".

Last night I was talking to Caleb on the computer. We were talking about attitudes and choosing ours. I so believe that no matter what is going on around you, you have the power to choose your actions, your words, your attitude, your very happiness. Freewill might allow others to behave in ways I do not approve of, but it also allow me to be as I want to be! BIG positive:)

I visited this week with Zack. He is now, for the first time in 12 months leaving track one and was moved to track two. Almost exactly a year to the date of his entering RTC. Zack was excited. His counselor was excited. Zack had a 3 hour pass or being on track 2. We went to eat and bought him clothes. He had not been allowed any new clothes for the last few months. His counselor felt that he should "earn" that privilege. I think it took longer than she anticipated and he was in serious need of clothing. We bought 7 jeans, 8 shirts, a pair of dress pants and shirt (he gets to go to church sometimes with his mentor...a "babtal" one that I imagine is Baptist), socks, under ware, two books and a sketch pad. It was a good visit. The only negative to me I addressed in the message below I sent to his social worker:

The only point I truly wanted to share was that Zack IS on track 2 and Ms Quotia said he "earned" that, but he DID NOT have the points a person must have to "earn" that track. I know he is doing well behaviorally and I know she was wanting to give him encouragement, but I do hate that he did not "earn" that track fully (because Zack knows he didn't, he knows and will say "Ms Quotia GAVE it to me because she said I earned it"....I think stressing that while Zack does understand and is proud of his accomplishments he knows he did not hit the mark (so to speak).

I did not address my frustration with Ms Quotia. One.. because Zack was with us at all times and I did not want to take away from his excitement...he IS doing better with his self-control. .... I WILL be asking in our next family session about the points and will address that in weeks to come. If he does not continue to add to those points and "make track two" fairly I will then say something.

I wrote that earlier this week, but since Tuesday Zack has called and his counselor is no longer going to be his counselor. So we will see how this affects Zack?


Carlton had his first ball game Thursday night. He had his not first court date earlier that afternoon. As we all sat in court listening to child abuse cases I was so thankful I do not have to listen to such heartache everyday. We sat for nearly 2 hours and I had to leave to pick up the children at school. Scott and Carlton stayed. It looked like Carlton might miss the bus for his out of town ballgame for a little while. During that time Carlton asked Scott,"Could you joust go asked the judge if we can come back some other time?" No clue...this child has no clue. Scott calmly explained no they could not. Carlton did see the judge and he did make the bus, he did not get to play much (two plays). After a week of two days spent in ISS and a third day paying for the consequences of his actions ....not surprising the 4th day was not spent in reward.

Carlton (#77) did get to dress out with the Varsity on Friday night, really fun for a freshman. Freshman's players are allowed to do that on home games.


Mercedez had her birthday party was held Thursday night. Sarah made her cake...a very yummy and fun one:) We all had an overdoes of chocolate covered strawberries and cake! It was a fun time...I love birthday's....such a gift life is:)

Friday night Doug came home and he along with Stella took the elementary school children to their tailgate party. I really appreciated that so much. I think my children's activities need to be special to them, a special treat, so I really don't like to take older children to a younger child's "treat" or vice versa. But, with a large group its thought to not drag along siblings. Perhaps one of the neatest blessings from a large family is big brothers and sisters to help out. Friday night Doug helped out in a big way! Little kids had a BIG time!

The football game was a big win for Hardin County. We had lots of fun:) After the game our church had a 5th quarter. Scott went with my Junior and Senior high kids to watch and bring them home. Michael's team won the dodge ball tournament. Obviously my big old strapping guy was the deal breaker:) For those who missed him in the picture? He's the big one holding the trophy:)

A quiet house..

Today is the very very very first day since the beginning of May that I have the house all to myself. It is quiet, well it's quiet since I walked through turning off music and bathroom fans:)

I am teaching class tonight and very much needed some quiet time to sit and prepare... off I am to do just that:)

Easter Bunny

Chelsea was driving with Seth the other day when he saw a friend from school. Seth told Chelsea who she was and Chelsea, looking at the car sceptically said, "I'm not sure that's your friend." Seth smiled and quickly responded, " Sure it is, her car has the Easter Bunny on the back!" Which is exactly why Chelsea was sceptical! I am very glad Seth thinks this is the Easter Bunny(pictured above), but sad at the CLEARLY ridiculous things people put on their vehicles!!

Joseph's adventure

Joseph's adventure into the real world (well technically he was living in the real world) outside of our home began yesterday. Scott took him to his Job Corps location and he was ready to begin. We (Scott and I) have struggled a little this summer with finding the right step for Joseph. He was not ready to be independent, yet not willing to follow the rules at home. I think both are very normal. I imagine most people experience a little anxiety over new moves (college, Army, marriage, change of address, new city....). Perfectly normal. And I know that most young people want to be in control of their own destiny (aka...make their own choices). The Job Corp will allow Joseph some freedom yet with "training wheels" so to speak. We have much confidence he will do just great!

Forget "where's the beef?"....Where's the sense!!!

A little while ago I posted about this frustration.

I think, without going back to read it all, that we made it pretty clear about the laws concerning, rules concerning and the consequences of continuing such a STUPID action(dipping). For us, one of the secondary "most concerning" issues was the fact that he took dip from an unknown person. Today in this world?? With the dangers of drugs? Again, just stupid. I sincerely hope I have not offended anyone calling my goofy guy "stupid"...I am open to any new words you have that more aptly describes his actions.

Friday while sitting in class Carlton was caught dipping. When you read that doesn't it make you want to say "what on earth were you thinking???!!!". Sure does me. And I actually asked that question...I think the answer is pretty clear (without a comment from Carlton)...he was NOT thinking. And the clincher? "Where did you get it Carlton?" The reply? "Uhh...some dude in the bathroom." "Do you know who this dude is?" "Nah, I think he was a 10th grader, but I don't know his name."

So the "school" consequences? Two days ISS (In School Suspension) and a court date the Thursday. We once again explained that tobacco is a ILLEGAL substance. Good grief!!

I am days and days removed and still frustrated with Carlton's choices. Carlton is willing to do about anything (duh!) to fit in....a serious problem.

He has really struggled with incorporating back home. He feels that his "prison term" is over and time has been served, dues paid. In other words, he feels he has arrived. He is ignoring even the simplest of rules. Not to mention his anger over our non-obvious (because it isn't there) agreement that he is entitled to privileges because he is home. Not how privileges work. They are EARNED!

In his anger the other day, before ALL my little ones he told his dad and me to "shut the x*#% up". We actually do take great offense at that kind of language. Carlton KNOWS that. Why say it? We made him mad. BTW...we "made" him mad because we were questioning the rules regarding games for gameboys. Carlton "gave" Tori a Teen rated game (Call of Duty Four). He gave that game (which we did not buy for him!!) to my nine year old. When I questioned him regarding the rules about games? He quoted them and in a summed up speech said that "There wasn't anything wrong with it" and he gave it to her. He knows better than us. No apologies, just anger that we would dare to get on to him about it.

To me every offence is so very senseless. But apparently that is where my Carlton is currently living...in Senselesstown. He apparently does not have a lick of sense!

Most concerning for us is the fact that Carlton's issues are progressing and we see a trend that is going to take him down the yucky side of life. We are currently praying and talking and using our resources. Desperately trying to find the right solution for our hardheaded senselessly acting son.

Carrying Cover

We sat at the graduation last week and watched as an officer walked up to Caleb and obviously asked a question. Caleb began searching pockets and after a couple of empty pockets pulled out an object we could not see and returned it to his pocket, once again standing at attention. Later that day, as we sat around listening to his recounts of basic training we asked about the encounter? What was in his pocket?Caleb smiled and pulled a rock from his pocket. The rock was a little bigger than a quarter as he held it in his hand. This is the story(as remembered by this scatterbrained mom): "The second week of basic He (whomever the officers name was I cannot remember) walked up and said 'Smotherman, you are so small you could use just about anything for ground cover." He reached down and picked up the rock saying, 'Carry this with you in case you ever need ground cover, I am sure it will be big enough for you to hide behind.'" and of course Caleb carried it. Although he did say "Sometimes I would see him coming and realize I didn't have the rock so I would bend down and pick up another one. When I cleaned out my locker there were 15 rocks I threw away!".

Made me think about life. People tease about the things we use for "coverage". I have seen some pretty dinky unbrellas, some silly no count raincoats, and covered walk ways that offered no coverage at all from rain. In truth, it is sometimes a small thing that offers the most assistance; a band aid, a hat, or sunglasses:)

In still another case, it isn't so much the "covering" as the thought that goes along with that coverage. A wedding band should cover us from all temptation. We should use that simple reminder to keep US straight and it also serves as a reminder to others...taken! It can control the very thoughts of a huge man or a small woman, just a simple circle of gold (or platinum, or silver...lol...or whatever).

The word of God should be a reminder to us as well. It should provide us with cover and if we carry it with us? We will have instant coverage always. If we read it? We will carry that coverage on heart. Such a small thing with such power. It seems pretty ridiculous that a small rock could protect my son, truly my grow up hard working son. But I've heard endless stories of how a cell phone in the front pocket (or something equally unassuming) saved a life when a person was shot. Such a small, seemingly unlikely item with great power.

The Bible should always be that powerful for us. The coverage, the sheer amount of distance it can go with us? Incredible! As I thought of Caleb story, silly as it was, there are so many excellent applications we can carry with us!

For Caleb? It began with respect, carryng a little rock out of respect for an officer. For us? The same thing...carrying the word of God out of respect (and love and adoration) for a Savior who died to give us the ultimate coverage!

Breakfast with Grannie

Much better than breakfast with Santa is breakfast with Grannie:) Nancy was up and in the kitchen as the kids were all getting ready for school. I took one picture that turned into a whole bunch!

This first one is my favorite:)

A Celebration...

Joseph is leaving tomorrow for the Job Corp after a long wait (about 3 months). A big thing to celebrate! His birthday is this Friday so this weekend we had an early double celebration. Scott's parents and my dad and step mom all came to Sunday lunch to be with with Joseph. We had ice cream and cake and sat a long while visiting. This is a wonderful opportunity for Joseph. He is, of course, a little anxious, new things in life bring that too:) But we really have great hope that this program can bring success into Josephs future.

Last night about 12 boys came and hung out with Joseph. Waffle ball and rock band were the man events:) It was a nice time for him to get to be with friends from church before leaving.

Today we need to pack and get his things ready to go. It is just Joe and me at home (hard to believe!). Chelsea is at the beach, Sarah is substituting at Love and Learn for Chelsea, Stuart and Doug are at FHU and Caleb in Georgia.....everyone else is in school. This is perhaps the first quiet morning of the school year.

Scott's parents stayed until today and I was able to play Rummikub word with Nancy after I got home from running my school route. I love being able to play games with her! I think (if our bottoms did not get so sore) we could sit for hours playing games:)

Duck Duck Goose!

I think parenting at my house is like playing "Duck Duck Goose!". I have kids doing Great Great Yuck!....Great Great Yuck!...I seem to notice a cycle here(good and yuck!).

Such is life(I know). In the midst of some really great happenings this week have also been some really yuck ones. One I will likely be blogging about later in the week. In another incident...I did have a call from Sam's treatment center last night, they have to call every time Sam is placed in a hold. This time? Aggression toward staff. Not a great one in my mind (I am the staff at home). Last Tuesday I spent a couple of hours at Sam's treatment center. I waited nearly an hour as Sam was being talked down from a serious altercation. The Doctor in charge came in and sat down to explain Sam's behavior to me. Her words, carefully guarded as Sam sat there between us, were our concerns too..."most concerning is the descriptive thoughts he has about hurting others". She felt he might need a "therapeutic" visit home, meaning one he has not earned. She felt that he was too overwhelmed with a peer he "hates". I quickly re mined the doctor that I have a couple of children at home whom Sam "hates" too. It is simply not something we are willing to do until he is safe. We will visit in Memphis (with children of our choice), even staying overnight, but no home visits until he is safe. It makes me really sigh wondering if he will ever be "safe". Sam certainly understands, he certainly has the interventions, he just does not have the desire to put a brake on his anger. Last week he told me (after being placed in a hold for nearly hitting a nurse in the head with a chair he threw) that it was just a "misunderstanding". I am still not sure what that means. It was not a misunderstanding...wrong word. He did not perhaps "mean" to hit the nurse, but he certainly chose to throw the chair, he chose to run from the room and he chose to disregard staff prompts...no misunderstanding about it. Deflection? Yes. He tried to get out of the responsibility, but I can say that did not work out for him. This week in our meeting he had placed another peer in a head-lock as the Dr tried to intervene. It is once again choice....the "how do you get children to WANT to make good choices?" being the question of the day. I think it might be the question of my lifetime. I do know it is a tricky question. It changes with each and every child. SO about the time you are thinking you are successful (successful, successful....) then you plop in a failure.

I think the hardest part of parenting is living through the failures. Admittedly I KNOW I cannot make choices for my children, and my will power cannot be handed to them on a silver platter...but it still hurts. I think perhaps that cycle would be "smile smile sigh!" Yesterday as we talked about my unspoken bad choice choosing child Scott said, "Amanda, we are going to have some children who make stupid choices, we just cannot let it get to us." I sure do love Scott! He's right, of course. But you know parents are gonna second guess themselves, redirect themselves and re-evaluate....we DO learn from our mistakes:)

Doug's big day!!

Today Doug moves in at Freed Hardeman. Well, today is the day freshman move in at Freed. Although yesterday Stuart and Doug went over and moved about everything into Doug's Dorm (and Stuarts too). While I was traveling back from Ky Stuart did the "mom and dad thing". I am so thankful my children have the support systems they have...there is such strength in "family"....they KNOW this! This morning Doug walked into the living room all showered and dressed and looking very very nice! I just cannot describe the joy of having children grow up and be successful. Raising children seems to be endless (lol..at times) yet it is so very fleeting. The kids who do well seem to fly past you so quickly you are still trying to breath in the success:) Doug is a good good guy, he has a very bright future ahead of him.

As I talked with him this morning I think he is my first child I will not "carry" to college. Nothing to carry. Another side affect of a big family is the ease and grace of movement....sounds like a dance:) Doug follows a path to Freed that has been paved by Chelsea, Stuart and Sarah....and cousins...and friends.... Doug is so very ready! He knows where everything is, he knows what he needs to do, he know so many people, he does not "need" me to hold his hand. It is not tearful. He is 45 minutes from home (although Doug said 30 minutes which I just remembered...we need to talk about speeding before he leaves!!).

So Doug is all ready and we have a lunch date scheduled for week-after-next. I have no doubt college life and Doug will mesh very well. I am now looking forward to sitting and hearing about it all:)

Make it great!!

Our God

As I sat in through the graduation yesterday I was so very thankful for country. Thankful for the freedom we are given, the very freedom our military holds for us. We can "say" we are free, but they purchase that freedom for us. Just as surely as Jesus Christ purchased our freedom from the earth. The correlation kept bouncing around. Caleb has spent 10 (truly 11) making himself strong, strong mentally and physically. It took him those weeks to figure out that he is not the center of the universe. He may have acknowledged that before, but now he knows it. There is a greater good...to me an incredible piece of knowledge. As a Christian we all should be as soldiers: respectful, resourceful, denying self, and all about the ultimate goal.

Yesterday the graduation began with a prayer. A "thank our God for ......", a honest prayer of thanksgiving and protection. When the soldiers were swore in they swore to protect this "nation under God". They meant it.

My school children might never be "allowed" to say prayer in school because of Liberalism...but my soldier? HE and those he is with in our Army? They pray. There may be a law that states we, as citizens cannot pray. Not so everywhere. In the Army, apparently the "reality" is pretty serious...we have a God and He is powerful and we will honor Him. A huge message!

Above is a Seth saying prayer before we ate lunch. Respect, respect, respect....Can I say that enough?

Fort Knox: Caleb's Graduation!!

We all woke and were driving away from the motel at 6:30 AM Eastern, meaning 5:30 AM Central (aka ...our time!). We arrived at the building housing the graduation and began to wait. We were told that getting onto the installation could take as long as 90 minutes, we made it on pretty painlessly (maybe because we were early). This picture is of all our family, except Janet (my sweet sister-in-law) who took the picture! l
We all stood around and watched the soldier’s line up... this is Caleb's platoon...I was thinking 'Somewhere in there in my Caleb'.....

Then it began raining and we were allowed inside...and there he was! Not with the others outside:) Caleb said, "Seth's crying" to Chelsea as she walked in, she replied with a slight smile, "I know". But, we were with Caleb and all was well:)

This is where Caleb stood throughout the graduation ceremony.
It was so wonderful to see him:) I was amazed that my "little boy" is all grown up. He (and all those young men)made a momma (and daddy, and grannie and pa and aunts and sisters and brothers and cousin) proud!
I love the respect...

I love the honor....

Caleb was chosen from his platoon to help with the ceremony. I think Caleb said it was because his drill sergeant said he was "the most squared away private not receiving an award". It also meant I was able to get close enough to get these great pictures.

After the ceremony we finally got to "touch" him....It was very special:






We then went to the Elizabethtown Church of Christ and eat lunch. We were so blessed to be able to be allowed to use this wonderful fellowship room. We ate and were able to spend about 3 and 1/2 hours enjoying company.








The boys in our family sure are growing up! At some point I'm going to have to stop calling them boys and begin calling them men!!!
Caleb and his sweet girlfriend Emily. Emily went with us to the graduation:)
At the end of the day those of us left with Caleb drove back to his barracks. We were able to see where he has been all summer.




It was really hard to walk(well, drive away) and leave Caleb. I am so very thankful our incredible day! It just makes me ready for more:)