Thankfulness

I held onto this not sure I would post it. I suppose it's not surprising that I do that a lot. I write in frustration and delete it when I calm down. I've said before that so much happens at my house that never ever gets to the blog, yet I don't want to try to portray a 'totally together' mom. I do lose my patience, my cool, my calm and sometimes my way. Good thing I know how to stop and ask for directions:) After much thought....I am posting it. So beware..........


I often wonder if my children will ever really understand thankfulness? I know people (lol...you know those in the world) think my children would be very thankful. We have adopted children who had no one. We adopted their whole families so they would never live with concern or wonder about anyone being left behind. We followed the "no one left behind" long before Lilo and Stitch or George Bush made it famous. Scott and I do sacrifice for our children, yet I think we do so in such a way perhaps that they do not even see the sacrifices. Which in truth is the whole point! Yet, as I leave this holiday weekend (which I loved very much) I find myself frustrated a little at the lack of true thankfulness in my children. Is it that we live in this wonderful country and my children are too blessed? Is it that my children are so spoiled? Is it that they just don't care?

I find myself trying to NOT put to much emphasis on the deeds of my children. SO I can't be disappointed...right? Don't get me wrong, I do have some children who(with very little or no moaning) will do what I ask them to do. For the first year Chelsea went to college I cried every time she left the house(she didn't ever know). She was so helpful and thankful! I guess it's wrong for me to want them to lovingly and sweetly ask what they can do for me? To come and stand(as though they have nothing better to do) and wait for a need of mine to arise? As much as I love my children I do want to see more thankfulness from them.

I sat with my dad yesterday. I am the oldest of nine. He says "to date" I have made him proud. That always tickles me to think of the "to date', also make me want to run wild:) It is the condition placed on his pride, rubs me a little wrong. I am proud of my children. I am proud of those who are doing great things. I am proud of those who get up for school and do their homework without me yapping at them. I am proud of those who have jobs and work. I am proud of those who are eager to run errands for me. I am proud of my college kids. I am proud of my huggers. I am proud of good helpers. I am proud of my kids. I do realize that pride does carry conditions, but love has none. Some of my children I simply love. It is all I can do. But some behaviors I am not proud of....so I guess I understand my dad's condition.

I, like a lot of people, just have to guard against whining. Guard my heart against sadness. I fixed lunch for my crew today, having it in the ovens and crock pot before leaving for class this morning. I came home and got it all ready for the table. Sarah poured the lemonade for me. I fixed little peoples plates and mine. I then sat down, Seth prayed, and I began eating. I had a couple walk in and ask "are we ready?" "WE?" We are sitting and eating. My teenagers are who knows were? I have washed and cooked and wiped and cleaned all weekend. If they do not walk to the kitchen at lunch time? SO be it. I wiped and washed and put away. Alone. I would be extremely grateful for some thankfulness about now.

I have watched and listened to Sam for the last 24 hours behave horribly. Sheetrock has holes, door on his cabinet riped off, room trashed, screaming hate(horrible threatening yuck!). I (as you have obviously noted by this point) was at the end of my proverbial rope. As he shouted his selfishness and pity I finally for the first time in a long time lost it. I explained that HE was ungrateful and unthankful, that HE had a problem with family..this family was the ONLY one he would ever have. I was angry, feed-up, frustrated. In spite of my frustration I nearly laughed as I finished my tirade to have Sam say, "can I talk to dad now?" Obviously he realized I was no longer in anyway going to feel sorry for him and his whining did not work.

Such is life and thankfulness. I hate lip service, yet I find that this holiday of thanksgiving is at times just that. So my thoughts? MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Don't talk about it.

A Saturday Thanksgiving

What a day. The alarm woke me at 4:30 this morning. Scott, Carlton and Michael were going to the farm to hunt. Both of the boys have passed thier hunters safety classes. Michael did not get to carry a gun, but did get to be with Dad and Carlton. Carlton has been hunting before and has been hunting since being at the boys ranch. Not long ago he went hunting on a plantations with the other boys from the ranch. He was the only boy who did not get a deer. I think Scott really wanted him to be able to get a deer. At 7am Dustin texted Chelsea from his stand that Carlton had shot. I knew one way or another they would be home soon. A good thing since today is also the day my family came for be togther for Thanksgiving.









Most of my family were here by 11am. I love having my family here. I wish I could sit and be with each and everyone, enjoying the time together. I love watching people and these are some of the people I love the most:)


My girls pitched in the help this morning. Chelsea doing and maintaining HUGE responsiblities in the kitchen. Sarah helping pick up and entertain. My little girls doing lots of running. The boys helped with tables and chairs. All in all it was a nice day.


My grandmother and Mama Nell were both here. My Dad and his sweet wife Clara Ruth brought desserts, ham and turkey:) Sandy brought some really great desserts (Thank you Sandy!). Jon and Kim, who had to drive the furtherest to be with us, brought a bunch of Sister Schubert rolls! (Thank you Kim!) Jennifer and her boys were late but spent the evening playing with us too.

My sister jennifer was late, as usual(Sorry jen, but it is always true!). Arriving and staying through dinner time. I have not had much time with her and her boys in a long time, so it was nice to have her to myself so to speak.

The day begain and ended with hunting. Scott and the two boys went back again late in the evening. Chelsea also was in the woods huntig with Dustin. Neither group got anything.


Family days are as I predicted full of lots of food and lots of people. Good thing we all like crowds:)

A watched pot?

You know that old saying, "A watched pot never boils?" Well, it isn't true. If it was I would never have anything cook at my house. I have kids at the counter every single day, seemingly all day long. My kiddos are all pretty good "cookers" (to use Victoria's phrase). We have cooked a lot today. Tomorrow my family will all be here. Well, all that can. It will be a wonderful day of way too much food and likely too much family....both in the good way:)

In case you ever wonder?

I have people who sometimes ask about our Christmas card pictures. How do I get a good one and questions like that. Well, it takes a ridiculous amount of the above to get one:) In truth, these are the end and not the beginning. After frustrating moments (in today's case more moments than needed...) I let the kids do "silly". My kids are pretty good at the silly part. A serious picture can be a little bit hard to get. BUT, I am one of those yucky moms who insists on a good picture and we can just "sit here all day or be done in 10 minutes". You know? My bunch are pretty smart, we usually do not take very long at all:)

Some kids are just silly.

I know I take a lot of pictures of Seth doing funny things. In retrospect it's likely because he still loves momma very much and is seemingly always close by. I hear more of the funnies and see more of them too. Last night we had a movie night and watch Pocahontas (Sarah's pick). I tried to blog some and laughed when I looked up from my side of the computer to see Seth at the other monitor trying to read the paper in the dark by the light of the computer screen. So serious about reading! I would like to say he is an incredible reading prodigy, but alas, he is not. Just a silly little guy who is imitating some of my silly big guys:)

Somtimes we are blessed like that...

This morning I was reading a blog I enjoy and was so very touched by this story. I have been and likely will always be a lover of perspective, a lover of family and most importantly, a lover of God. HE is in this story. HE has provided for this family. It's an awe-inspiring real-life tale of love and devotion. Of course it made me cry. It will likely make you cry too. I watched the videos from here and there were so many it made me wonder how on earth I missed this story? Could be that I am wrapped up in my crazy life? It's possible. No matter the reason I am glad to know about it now. A big prayer request, several several people deep, to add my prayers.

blog comments

I have a blogger friend Lisa who comments so often (Thank you!!). I am not sure how to email you Lisa? But, I did enjoy your comment about my frustrating kiddo. I did not publish it because my children read my blog and we just have not dealt with some of the things you mention being said in anger. I just did not need to give my bunch any more ideas. But Thank You for the words of encouragement!

I read my friend Cindy's blog as she talks about how tough Holidays are for some of her kids. I am not so sure it is the Holiday(for my toughies) as much as the lack of schedule. We enjoy marching to a different drum on holidays and special times. That's hard for my Sam. Today he spent a lot of time in his room "calming down". He had been doing a fairly good job of self redirection. Sam knows to go to his room until he calms down. Over the last days he has not self-directed and I have had to help him. He comes out before he is calm, making me put into place a "you have to stay in your room until mom thinks you are calm".

At times like today, I am so grateful for the funny sweet silly kiddos who are not in trouble. Above are just silly everyday pictures of my kiddos....the ones who were happy.

Funnies

I have had (as usual) some really funny things said over the last day. My Rosie (above in her radio sunglasses she received at school Tuesday) helped me crack eggs yesterday. As we cracked I smiled so often working with her:) When I cracked the first egg she began a science lesson (what else?). She told me about single cells (like eggs). I smiled listening to my sweet unique daughter who sees things through different glasses than most. In my years of parenting no one else has ever made that comment.

I listened as lunch wrapped up to Victoria, Mercedez, Tasha and Bella talking. Tasha commented that she would love to see the movie "Spirit" again. Victoria said, "Yeah, and what was the name of that horse?" lol! Only funny if you know the movie.

Mary Lita was telling about her friend Mary's hurt foot. She said Mary would have to wear a bootie because she had pulled her "ankle tinsel" (aka Achilles tendon).

Today has been a fun day with Sarah home. Music has played, girls and boys alike have been silly and sang with Sarah. It's moments like that will play in my heart during the tough times. Sarah can be so fun. So silly. So coaxing. So totally Sarah.

At dinner we talked and enjoyed our time together. Doug talked about how crazy it would be when "Doug's family" and "Stuart's family" and "Sarah's family" .....(you got it) all came home someday. Sarah gave her pat phrase "who said I was getting married?". Others chimed in. But the truth is, I cannot image that time in my life. It will come and I will be so appreciative to have the opportunity to see my children be successful, but for now? For now I have all my chicks close. Time will bring change, but for now I will enjoy my present.

Thanksgiving Day:)

My family has so very much to be thankful for today. We had a wonderful lunch with everyone but Chelsea (we missed you!). Joseph and Jacob grilled steaks, I fried 10 pounds of french fries (and remembered why we do not have them very often...takes forever!) and baked rolls. Sarah made the sweet tea(thank you Sarah!). We had a pie dessert ...pecan, cheesecake, and chocolate (jello and homemade). The pictures above are of Seth helping me yesterday with the pecan pies:)

Not really a very "traditionally American" meal, but that will come on Saturday when all my family is at our house. Today it was a traditionally special, Smotherman favorites, meal:)

Gallstones!?

My Jacob has had a rough year. Surgery in March, a bad one at that, and he has tested positive twice for H Pylori. His stomach continued to hurt and we decided it was time to see a specialist. We have an appointment in Dec with a pediatric gastrologist at Vanderbilt. Yesterday Jacob had an ultrasound on his stomach. It showed that my 16 year old has Gallstones, seven to be exact. In typical mother fashion I feel great guilt. Forget that gallstones are more prevalent in women than men, or that they are usually found in people over 40, mom's just feel sick about these things. Our doctor is trying to get out appointment moved up(it is three weeks away right now) and hopefully we can get this taken care of quickly!

Frustration

Tonight Scott offered to take the middle schoolers with him to the ballgame. That is a big privilege. We just do not take everyone to away games....the expense is so great! We have been very very blessed that the High School Athletic Director gives our family a years pass to ballgames. It is such a blessing! Away games though are pricey. I usually go with Scott to football games and we get a babysitter, and I will some during basketball season, but there are so many more basketball games and lots are during the week.

Anyway. I had a middle schooler (one girl not pictured below) who lied. Over a black tshirt. A totally ridiculous lie. One she failed repeatedly to own up to. In the end the truth did prevail(as is the usual way in life and lies). That teen was horrified to find out she was not going to the game any longer. I find myself simply wondering why on earth she thought I would let her go?? She in frustration yelled all the normal ridiculous teenagers things...you know the ones about how terrible her family is....the ones I have to laugh at. Seriously. SHE did it to herself. The family had NOTHING to do with that lie. I have a couple of kids who I often remind "You are your own worst enemy!".

I always wish my kids would fast forward through the dumb (sorry, but lying is dumb) moments. But, I realize that silly ole fast forward would likely have us missing the good moments along with the bad.

Carlton's visiting

Carlton is home visiting until Sunday. Stuart went to pick him up today and they got home about dinner time. I took the pictures above as Scott, Carlton, Rosie and Tasha were leaving for the basketball game. My other big boys are already there. Joseph is playing and we are playing our rival....which promises to be a great game!

Too Sweet!

I love this picture:) My baby girls! I sometimes miss the little stage so much. I miss the sweetness. They can still be sweet, but it is just never quiet the same. We have dear friends whose house burned to the ground this weekend. They are safe and grateful to be alive, yet such tremendous loss of material blessings. I often think about sweet pictures like this one. I cannot imagine loosing them all!

Top 50 in the world?!

Caleb came to me tonight and asked if he could share some great news without me criticizing him. I said yes (knowing where this was going). He then shared this.....Caleb is actually on the leader board for the top 50 bands by popularity in Rock Band. Hum. A big honor for a Rock Band crazy teenager. I praised him for his dedication and ability.

Caleb is playing Rock Band way way too much. I have offered that speech a multitude of times. He has heard the "Just think how great you would be if you had invested that much time learning to play a REAL guitar!" speech way to many times to.

Caleb has always been very gifted. He can do just about anything he puts his mind to. Today it is leading the world by Rock Band....as his mom? I look forward to his leading in a slightly more helpfully humanitarian way:)

Observing

Today Stuart observed at the high school. He had to have 7 hours of observation this semester. He loved it! I really think he just loved being in the classroom again with Mrs Hardin. What a blessing to have incredible Christian teachers to give our children such tremendous examples!

Ryan and Seth(who was not yet dressed) caught Stuart before he left the house:)

John is an actor!!

Tonight Scott, my littles, Stuart, Doug and I all went to see John's play. It was really funny. My John did a great job! He was a student in the first play and Captain Hook in the second:) I love seeing my children do new things and this was a really new thing for John. A GREAT job John!!

The party continues...

Michael and Bella had asked to go to Fish Hut for their birthday lunch. Since it is only opened Thur, Fri and Sat we had to wait until this week.

We continue to struggle with Bella and her grades. Frankly "we" are not struggling, Bella is. She can do the work (and do it well) if she so desires, she just does not desire. Nearly failing the all classes in the first grading period I have had to really work with her teacher to try to bring up her grades. But, BELLA has to be part of that desire and she's not. Her grades usually look like this: 100, 98, 89, 95, 10, 22, 47, 35, 77. Ridiculous! Every week I average her grades. So far in this grading period her average has not gotten above a 68. Crazy because she is so very capable! I have explained (excessively it seems) that she will NOT got to 6th grade next year. I WILL NOT bring her home to home school, she is not trying and I will not 'reward" her lack of efforts. And SHE WILL have the SAME teacher again next year. Bella tells people she does not like her teacher. I LOVE her teacher!! This wonderful lady had taught my high and lowest children with equal dedication. Now she has my most persnickety child and has not disappointed me in her desire to see Bella be successful. We correspond daily. She signs a homework assignment and I review the work and sign it to send back. We do this everyday. Calling if it does not return to either of us. That is an awesome teacher! Friday morning the paper I had to send back included a long note for the teacher about Bella only "half doing" her work. I made the decision (along with Scott) that Bella was struggling so much in school she really simply could not miss. She needs to be there every second she can to have the opportunity to be successful. So, Bella did not get to leave school and lunch with us. She cried, I so wish if was a "turn over a new leaf" cry!!!

Michael and I met Papa and Clara Ruth at Fish Hut. We had a great fish dinner and Clara Ruth made Michael a snickers cake and brought it for him:) Super special!! We had a nice lunch:) It was sad to me that Bella was not with us, yet the rock bottom truth is simple.....Bella will miss out on a lot of life and the privileges of life if she does not begin to work harder! Goodness, forget the "work harder" she just needs to WORK period!

Bike Safety

The Hardin Medical Center sponsored a wonderful bike safety day. All my elementary school kids "qualified" and were all able to go. They game each of them a free bike helmet! This is a picture of my crew after we got all the helmets fitted..that's a lot of adjusting:)

boys!

We looked out the kitchen window to see the "fort" my boys were building. They moved a lot of wood to create this masterpiece! This is one of the things i love most about kids playing outside. The imagination is so incredible, the possibilities endless and it is so good for them!

Making a difference

Chelsea and her sweet friend Courtney came home Friday and began wallpapering. What fun! They completely papered Bella and Tasha's room and the hall. I laughed as we chose border for the hallway. this is Chelsea's choice for my girls:) Thank goodness only girls live down this hall, a boy might be traumatized by the pink.

Fur Lined Coats and stuff

I dress for myself. I am a "like what I like" kind of person. Sandy(my sister) and I were talking by phone this morning and she commented that she was an "Old Navy' person:) I think lots of us have those "looks" we like. I know Chelsea could likely live in Banana Republic. Caleb in Hollister. Jacob in Carhart. Doug in Abercrombie. Stuart in American Eagle. I must say that those are "mom's" interpretations:) Note that I did not mention Sarah..lol...I think she is a Delia/whoknowswhat.

It's always interesting to see my children grow and develop their own identities. I very much ask and hope they they like what they like for sincerely personal reasons, not because "everyone" has one. I find that usually they please me in their reasoning and likes.

Tasha "felt" a friends coat (actually twin boys in her class) and very much wants a coat with fur on the inside. She has described it by feel and she is so not influenced by "what you have". So I went to eBay to look at "fur on the inside coats"....YIKES! I have to say, that Tasha will not have the kind she described. It's made by Hollister and Abercrombie (although Tasha did not know) and retails at a quarter of a million dollars and sells on eBay at a quarter of a quarter of a million dollars:) I watched several coats go, thinking "Wow that is crazy" only to realize they were the best deals I'd see. I did find a 100% wool charcoal grey coat that is fur lined (with no hood) in Canada in a never heard of it brand. At $9.99 I am currently winning and Tasha will likely (if I am lucky enough to win) have that one instead of a million dollar woman one.

I laugh just looking at the furry jackets. It brings back memories of my sister and my rabbit coats we loved so very much and my brother hated so very much. Rabbit hair was EVERYWHERE when we wore them:) I know this fur is fake, but still looks rabbity to me!

The stuff of this world is just that...stuff. But, some of it sure is fun. Which what sellers bank on!

Three in a row

After three days in a row on the road I am looking very forward to one single crazy day at home!

Today I spent in Memphis with Sam's last appointment for his evaluations. We will have the results the first of Dec. I have enjoyed the Doctor who is preforming the tests, she is insightful and funny, but most of all very qualified! I am at the point in parenting Sam that very little surprises me, but I simply cherish new ideas. The ideas are not always new, but the "words" or the "take" on an idea can make incredible differences. For example....Today while the Dr was talking with Sam he began acting silly. She asked him, "How old are you acting Sam?" Sam replied with a smile, "Two." The Dr then asked, "Is this how 12 year old act?" Sam said, "No". The Dr then described what the privileges of a two year old were, "A two year old has to stay by mom, a two year old wears what mom puts on them, takes naps, eats only what mom gives them....." I love those words and I love the take, the behaviors were not changed, yet awareness was.

I made it back from Memphis in time to take Jacob to begin testing for his stomach. He will be having an ultra-sound next week and we are waiting for our appointment with a Gastro doctor.

I picked up children and arrived home in time for my Intercept visit. An hour and a half later I was up and trying to get dinner together. Another hour and half later and here I am.

Tomorrow I will have an intercept appointment at 8 AM. I have to take basketball applications by City Hall, pick up Zack's glasses and overnight them to him, pick up Michael and Bella for lunch and then pick up Rosie Mercedez and Tasha for a dentist appointment at 2 tomorrow afternoon. LOL...A nice day at home?

PS Totally unrelated to this entire blog is the picture above. Seth now has a new fake smile. It just makes me smile. Well, I smile and then hope he finds his old one pretty quickly:)

Day two in Memphis

For the second day in a row I traveled to Memphis. Today Jacob was not feeling to great but when along for the ride. He slept all the way over, but was still good company. The drive gets long!

I took my camera to take a pictures but left it in the van when we went into the school, usually we have our session at another building, but today we stayed at school. So no camera. Zack was looking pretty rough after his weekend fit. Facial scrapes and bruises. His glasses in 4 pieces (although that was just from when he got mad...). He is much the same. Knows what he needs to be doing, but lacks the desire to change his behavior. Only he can change himself. We have gone to extraordinary lengths to give him the resources to change, but still the choice is Zack's.

Wishes Vs Hopes

I have really had a tough couple of weeks with school. I know school is not for every child. I know they cannot meet the needs of all my children all the time. But I so very much need them to. I need and my children need a firm foundation at home and at school. I need a partnership. I wonder if I am just expecting to much? Do my expectations for school teachers exceed their abilities?

I wish I could sent teachers bright and shining students. I wish that every child I had to share with the world had a "perfect" beginning in this world. I wish that they were all kind and good citizens. I wish they were a joy for all to be around. I wish they were all great leaders. I also wish I had a million dollars:)

The truth is simple. I did have a few children who had a great start in life. I have some who were sweet babies and had all their shots on time. I have some who ate every meal on time and always got hugs and kisses everyday. I have some who were raised in the church learning about God from the nursery up. I have some who never ever doubted they were loved for one second of their lives. They, for the most part, DID have an advantage over many of my children. They had that advantage, yet they are not perfect:) I am quiet sure only Mary the mother of Jesus could ever lay claim to perfection!

Then there is the unsimple truth. I have children who were not cared for and loved as babies. I have children who were hungry.I have children whose parents did drugs while pregnant. I have children who were physically and mentally abused. I have children who were lost with no one to find them. They struggled alone. They, most with big families, were still alone. They fought for what they got. Some were selfish and stole. They had to do that to get their NEEDS met. Some were so good at it they got their wants too. I wish I could have a million wishes to change what happened to them. But, wishes just will not change the past. And wishes will not change the future.

I've had Student Council Presidents and Class officers. I've had class favorites and homecoming queens. I've had great athletes and great attitudes. I've had all the "worldly" awards. I've had those kids. They're still just kids. They're all still working on themselves. And yes, I am very proud of them!

I also have the ISS kids, the failing kids, the disrespectful kids, the socially inept kids, the fit throwers and the bad attitudes. I am not proud of them. They cause me great concern. BUT ...I want for them EXACTLY what I want for all my children. I want success in this life. Not by the worlds standards, but by Gods. I KNOW that is not too much to ask. I KNOW that is not too much to HOPE. To me Hoping is not the same as wishing. When I hope? It's built on a promise. Wishes are built on fairy tales.

I hope my children have teachers who are understanding. I hope my children are treated as very precious gifts from God (because they are!!).

It is my experience that most teachers want the worldly. The "worldly delightful" is just nice...I know. I pray for Godly teachers. Teachers who have my children's best interest at heart, not a selfish heart. I pray for teachers who are willing to teach my children, even those lessons not learned in a textbook, for those teachers are the greatest. I have had some incredible teachers in my children's lives, the ones who truly look at the heart of my child and nurture it. I have had some teachers that don't do this, isn't that life? Frankly they are the perspective makers.

I wish I had pristine children to show the world (rofl! NOT..pristine means clean and WHITE...white clothes are hard work!) I just hope for good people. Brightly clothed kids....well-roundedness. I hope for the values taught to stick and for God to work through them:) That makes for such a, in Seth's words, "MoreBetter" world! Me? Don't give me fake...just the MoreBetter!

Basketball and Flag football

Tonight is Joseph's first basketball game. It is away and on a school night (so we could not all go), but we are looking forward to home games soon!

Doug is playing in an adult flag football league. He loves it:) I took this picture of him last week as he left for his first game.

Trinity

Trinity is very excitable right now. It is pretty hard to get her to sit down. I think she might be AHDH:) So, obviously, she fits right in!